The Rock Bible is an insider’s guide to living the rock ’n’ roll dream from Henry Owings of Chunklet. Like Moses delivering the Ten Commandments, he lays down rules for musicians, wannabe musicians, and rock fans of all ages. Complete with faux-Biblical illustrations from Jonathan Williams, parables and essays penned by comedian Patton Oswalt, Brian Teasley of the Polyphonic Spree and professional smartass Andrew Earles, The Rock Bible is a rude and raunchy look at the best and worst of rock ‘n’ roll:

Singers: “When you feel like stage-diving, make sure the people in the front row like your music enough to catch you.”

Backstage antics: “Couches at rock clubs have never been cleaned. Think of the crazy things that have been done on these couches, and then proceed at great personal risk.”

Lifestyle: “If you want to die while in a famous rock band, there are four options. 1. Suicide. 2. Car or plane crash. 3. Drug overdose. 4. Murdered by a crazy relative. Just pick one and stick with it.”